A zillion good excuses…

“Guilty, I say, guilty! GUILTY! GUILTY!”
“Yes, but — ”
“Ain’t no but’s that count, you scoundrel!” the irate blogger shouted at me. “You are so guilty that there’s guilt dripping out of your ears and nose, and oozing out of your toes!”
“I doubt it’s that bad,” I said.
“Oh really? You actually think that?”
“Well, all I’ve done is — ”
“All you’ve done? Did you hear what she said, lads?” he exclaimed, turning to face the crowd behind him. “All she’s done! That evil witch promised us bloggers that she would post the opening line of her story ‘soon’! No longer will you fool us! You will be punished, thrown into the chasm of despair.”
“Whoa now! Wait a minute, you haven’t even heard my side of the story! I have a zillion good reasons why I haven’t posted the beginning of the story yet. You see —” I began talking very fast, “ — I just got back from my sunny vacation and the 6 hours of jet-lag nearly killed me! How could I work while sleep-deprived? Also, someone lent me the ninth season of FRIENDS and it would’ve been jolly rude not to watch all 24 episodes, don’t you know! Thirdly, exercise is highly recommended by specialists. How could I omit my daily dose of physical activity? Of course, after an inbox full of rather angry requests, I found myself obliged to post my summertime pictures on Facebook. And last but not least, after over a month apart, I had to catch up with my friends. Catching up can be time-consuming, you know. So, as you can see, I’ve just been overwhelmed, yes, o-ver-whelmed.” I stopped to catch my breath.
“Grmf.” My irate-blogger-friend did not seem too convinced by my display of fast thinking and eloquence.
“Why should we believe you?” someone piped up.
Thankfully, I turned towards him. “Because, dear sir, I will have the story’s beginning ready and posted by Saturday. And that’s a promise I aim to keep, for I know that, however good my zillion exc — I mean, reasons were for not having posted the story’s beginning, I will not be fully pardoned unless I finally hatch it.”
I looked around at the grumbling mob. They were still not convinced. I turned toward the now-calmer blogger.
“Shall we shake on this, sir?”
“I would love to.”
And so we shook hands, solemnly sealing the pact.
I decided I most certainly would have the opening line ready by the deadline. Otherwise, they would come after me and I would not be let off so easily, zillion good excuses or not.